dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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