I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
