one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
