how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Say something about gay babies.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
