He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
its not stalking. its research.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
