True but thats because hes a fetus.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
