He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
