Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
