tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
