Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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