Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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