Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
