Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
