Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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