Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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