Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
