think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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