can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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