it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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