Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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