Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
