On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
