Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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