Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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