I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
