hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
