just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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