someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
