Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
