There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
