Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize