I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
