your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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