I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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