I will die if light touches me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
