Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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