quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
