I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
