bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize