i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
