your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
