I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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