I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
