It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
