remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
