i barfeds in our rink
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
