Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
