I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
