anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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