Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
