You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize