All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
