ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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