Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's like heaven, but drunker
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
