Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
