Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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