This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
