Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize