We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
