Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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