nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
