Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
