I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize