Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
