kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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