My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
