he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
