Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
