I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
